Well life hasnt always been so kind to me, well actually it really has. I have had the most amazing people in my life. My mother who is by far the most amzing women on this earth. My father who has been a great dad even if he isnt the best with his words, my sister who is my second mom and a brother who i thought never cared who offered me to stay with him when my ex and i broke up last week just so i could stay in orlando.And than a few friends who have been there threw everything, and a girl who i have hurt before who still deals with my crap ( which i never understood still till this day) Today while sitting at hte dock over looking the canal I watched the sun fall over the trees. It got dark and i realized the day was almost gone. I grabbed the day and let out a song out of no where. I sang to myself no bleeding words of hate towards my ex no confusing thoughts just me. I sang me threw my self, for the first time in forever i saw jayne, not jaynee, not scuffy, not crazy girl, not flirty girl, JAYNE. SHe sang for a minute and let the sun die down. I brought my hands to my lips wondering if a person was kissing the song out of me and they wernt i realized i dont need a person to define me. I had kissed my self in a way of spech. Of course my heart has more feelings than the average and i can beat away more love to one person than i thought was possible and i still do to this day. My heart lives to please but even with that said i thought about me. I sat down and wrote and wrote and wrote, than i realized wtf WHY WAS I DENYING MY SEXUALITY BEFORE. Im gay to hard to say im flat out rainbow bright gay. I love women if there was a man for me than fine go for it but i have always loved women when i think of being able to hold the one i love and just even kissing there neck im like a twizler. I can almost faint if i picture my self with them but i think feeling that way only comes after. Rush my heart says but my body told me to let go, let go of that girl you were. I never had the chance to find me after i got arrested i went from relationship to girl to girl over and over again hurting multiple people but inside there waas this girl changing that i never got to meet she came out sometimes but most the time she had to much to deal with to get to see her. Jayne is a family girl so simple its not funny, i could spend the whole time singing and writing stories of what i see in my future. Just in my future i can name the things i want, my house in the country but just close enough to town to be a school for my kids and a beautiful two story place with a wrap around porch and french doors over looking the forest and valleys and skies. I can see my self with my wife watching the stars and counting the way of love i have had with them. I can myself making sweet love the rest of my life and writing songs just of how amazing the world can be when i get there. I can see my slef chasing my little blond baby girl or boy through my yard around the trees playing hide and seek and than wrapping them between me and my wife and giving them love i had gotten my whole life. I meet this girl who has everyday where she is going but is trying to decide if god is taking me there or if i need to make the jump. My heart though and my body will always say if you dont try you will regret because there are on ly a couple things i regret and i wont change the past but i will help control my future.